He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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