Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
