i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
