so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Can Purell be used as lube?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
