We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
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