Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
