So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
My life is pants optional.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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