You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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