I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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