omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
