am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize