Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
