for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
