Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
