So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
