god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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