those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
