He is such a slut. More and more my type.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
