Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
