who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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