What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize