That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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