see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
