an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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