is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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