I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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