Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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