he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
