Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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