This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
