Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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