this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
