I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
