he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
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