I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
