Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
