All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
