I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Randomize
