my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
