the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
