I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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