I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
What did we do last night that was yellow?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
