Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
