no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
