I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
well most of my day revolves around power hour
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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