Pappa wants mamma naked
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
