I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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