I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Still dying that you shit outside
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
