If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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