The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
