my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
