Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize