im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
