Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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