I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
