I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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