She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
