It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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