physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
