they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
