The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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