I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
