Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
