Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
All the doctor said was why
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize