Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
