Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
