he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
