I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
