I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
