Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
this just has baby written all over it
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
