All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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